Almost Over~

October is almost over...that means that Breast Cancer Awarness month is almost over and I'm not real happy to see it go!  I kind of like seeing all the pink in the stores.  I kind of like knowing that some of what I'm buying is going to a good cause.  I mean it does bring back lots of painful memories of last year and what we all went through, but for our family we need to have this month!  We need to know that people are looking and working to find a CURE!  A cure for this terrible disease that affects so many! 

I often think of my Mom and I wonder what was going on in her mind those last few years.  I'm not mad at her, I'm just puzzled.  I'm just not understanding what she was thinking.  I wish she could tell me why.  I know she didn't want this.  I know she wouldn't have chosen this path, this path with all of us here and her there.  I know that if she would have seen how many people are still hurting just a few months short of a year.  How her death has left us....we are all kind of living, but not living.  I guess that's kind of what I'm doing.  I'm here, but I'm not.  Would she have changed anything?  I'm not sure...I would hope so.   I know she was scared, we all are.  But she would have had everyone by her side.  Everyone!  We know that.  Our family is so good when the going gets tough.  They might not always be around, but you can sure count on them when someone is down and in need.  That is what they do.  That is what we can count on!  I have seen it done with my own eyes a time or two.

So many un-answered questions.  I wish I had one more day with her, but would I ask those questions or would I just take the time and spend it with her?  I think you all know the answer just as I do!