For the last few days me stomach has been in knots. I'm just at a loss on what to do. I went to bed on Friday night and very softly cried myself to sleep....well sort of. My mind was racing with all these thoughts. I have never been one to have confentrations with people and when I do...I just shut down and am unable to continue the conversation with out getting all emotional. That's just me. I wish I was different. My mind gets all crazy and I can't think. I end up not saying what I really want to say and then things are just left unsaid.
I want to tell my side of the story. But I feel like I have already lost the battle along time ago. My side just doesn't seem to matter to anyone. I feel like things have been getting worse as everyday goes by. I sit here and rethink and have everything worked out in my mind how I would say things....but will I actually say any of it? Most likely not. I don't want to cause problems....but the more I sit on it...it just hurts me inside and I feel like I might just explode! And I'm sure that won't be good.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
Surgery update~
I thought I would update you and tell you how the surgery went.
It's day three and I'm feeling a little sore. Not real bad, but I can just feel it a little when I move around a lot. But I do have to say that I thought I would feel worse the I do. I have not taken any pain meds since yesterday morning. I might take some today...just to make sure.
I went in on Wednesday morning and I could not believe the room the put me in. Super nice and I had it all to myself. Not a little room divided by a curtain. Had a tv to watch and a bathroom. Wonder how much that's going to cost? Yikes! Anyways went through all the normal check in stuff. Got an IV put in....that kind of hurt. I had to go and get a wire put in my breast to mark where they were going to work at so I got to have a Xanax to relax me. Didn't really feel much different. Went to get the wire put in. It didn't really hurt. It's just so funny that my breast is always hanging out for all to see. But the wire was kind of big! Thin....but tall. They had to tape it down or else it would have poked me in the eye. They took another mammogram picture and I got to see what it looked like inside of me. It kind of looked like a little fish hook. They got it right where they needed it to be.
I was only back in my room for about twenty minutes when they said they were ready for me! Double yikes! Wasn't ready for this...but I guess it was now or never. So off I go. It's kind of strange to be wheeled down to the OR in the bed and see them all waiting for you. Me...waiting for me. The room was big! Bigger then I thought it was going to be. Lights everywhere. They start talking to me and put the oxygen mask on and before I know it I'm waking up in another room. It's just so crazy how that happens!
So, everything went good. I will find out the results maybe today or more likely on Monday. Worried? Sure am! But I think all will turn out good. My breast isn't looking real pretty right now. But that's okay.
Sorry if I'm giving a little to much information. That's what I got right now.
Tim and the kids have been taking care of me and trying to do things for me. Today I'm on my own. Which is kinda nice to have a day to myself. Back to normal on Monday.
It's day three and I'm feeling a little sore. Not real bad, but I can just feel it a little when I move around a lot. But I do have to say that I thought I would feel worse the I do. I have not taken any pain meds since yesterday morning. I might take some today...just to make sure.
I went in on Wednesday morning and I could not believe the room the put me in. Super nice and I had it all to myself. Not a little room divided by a curtain. Had a tv to watch and a bathroom. Wonder how much that's going to cost? Yikes! Anyways went through all the normal check in stuff. Got an IV put in....that kind of hurt. I had to go and get a wire put in my breast to mark where they were going to work at so I got to have a Xanax to relax me. Didn't really feel much different. Went to get the wire put in. It didn't really hurt. It's just so funny that my breast is always hanging out for all to see. But the wire was kind of big! Thin....but tall. They had to tape it down or else it would have poked me in the eye. They took another mammogram picture and I got to see what it looked like inside of me. It kind of looked like a little fish hook. They got it right where they needed it to be.
I was only back in my room for about twenty minutes when they said they were ready for me! Double yikes! Wasn't ready for this...but I guess it was now or never. So off I go. It's kind of strange to be wheeled down to the OR in the bed and see them all waiting for you. Me...waiting for me. The room was big! Bigger then I thought it was going to be. Lights everywhere. They start talking to me and put the oxygen mask on and before I know it I'm waking up in another room. It's just so crazy how that happens!
So, everything went good. I will find out the results maybe today or more likely on Monday. Worried? Sure am! But I think all will turn out good. My breast isn't looking real pretty right now. But that's okay.
Sorry if I'm giving a little to much information. That's what I got right now.
Tim and the kids have been taking care of me and trying to do things for me. Today I'm on my own. Which is kinda nice to have a day to myself. Back to normal on Monday.
Friday, April 5, 2013
I know that it's been a super long time since I have done anything with this blog! No excuses! All I can say is I'm sorry. I had plans to write at least once a week...but something always seems to come up or maybe it's because my life has been kind of blah lately. See....I was making excuses!
As it turns out some things have been going on these past few weeks. I had a ultrasound on my right breast in December and the again in March. In March they thought that it needed a closer look. The next day I went in for a biopsy.
Now that was an experience. I do have to say that it didn't hurt. I mean the first shot to numb it wasn't bad. But it was just the whole experience of having to watch them doing it. I mean it just an in your face kind of procedure and when they are actually getting the sample and you hear the little gun go off as they get it is kind of startling at first. But after a few times you get used to it. I walked out with no pain and went to the mall shopping an hour later.
Now the waiting began. Got the call a few days later all was good. No cancer! Yay!
Two weeks pass and I get a voice mail from my doctor.....no not the nurse..... but my actual . doctor. She would like to chat with me about my ultrasound and biopsy.
Hmmmm......what would she like to chat with me about? To me that doesn't sound good when you get a call from the doctor!
So, yes I start to panic a little bit. Knowing I can't make the call until I get home. Even though it's a short ride home from work....it sure felt like a very long drive!
I make the call. She gets right on and says that she has looked over my report and did not like the wording on it, she then sent it over to the surgeon and they would like to see me! Yikes! I mean double yikes!! Can I go on Thursday? No....I work. But Monday....I can go on Monday
Off to the surgeon we go. I hear that he is very good and very nice....but of course when we get there he is in surgery. But we see his PA and she is super nice and explains everything to us. Tim asks lots of questions, which is good, because I'm sure I would not have asked that many. I needed him with me. We talk about the chances of this being benign and my chances are huge! I only have like a one percent of this being something bad. But if it is the we are catching this so early that it would be good.
My surgery is on Wednesday. Should only take about 45 minutes. I'm not real fond of being put under. But at least it's for a really short period of time. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't worried. You all know me....and know that I can tell you and also put on a pretty good front. But inside I'm FREAKING out! All the what ifs! What if.....! I won't even begin to tell you what I'm thinking! Scary thoughts!
I will let you know how it goes! Keep your fingers crossed for me.
~Lori
As it turns out some things have been going on these past few weeks. I had a ultrasound on my right breast in December and the again in March. In March they thought that it needed a closer look. The next day I went in for a biopsy.
Now that was an experience. I do have to say that it didn't hurt. I mean the first shot to numb it wasn't bad. But it was just the whole experience of having to watch them doing it. I mean it just an in your face kind of procedure and when they are actually getting the sample and you hear the little gun go off as they get it is kind of startling at first. But after a few times you get used to it. I walked out with no pain and went to the mall shopping an hour later.
Now the waiting began. Got the call a few days later all was good. No cancer! Yay!
Two weeks pass and I get a voice mail from my doctor.....no not the nurse..... but my actual . doctor. She would like to chat with me about my ultrasound and biopsy.
Hmmmm......what would she like to chat with me about? To me that doesn't sound good when you get a call from the doctor!
So, yes I start to panic a little bit. Knowing I can't make the call until I get home. Even though it's a short ride home from work....it sure felt like a very long drive!
I make the call. She gets right on and says that she has looked over my report and did not like the wording on it, she then sent it over to the surgeon and they would like to see me! Yikes! I mean double yikes!! Can I go on Thursday? No....I work. But Monday....I can go on Monday
Off to the surgeon we go. I hear that he is very good and very nice....but of course when we get there he is in surgery. But we see his PA and she is super nice and explains everything to us. Tim asks lots of questions, which is good, because I'm sure I would not have asked that many. I needed him with me. We talk about the chances of this being benign and my chances are huge! I only have like a one percent of this being something bad. But if it is the we are catching this so early that it would be good.
My surgery is on Wednesday. Should only take about 45 minutes. I'm not real fond of being put under. But at least it's for a really short period of time. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't worried. You all know me....and know that I can tell you and also put on a pretty good front. But inside I'm FREAKING out! All the what ifs! What if.....! I won't even begin to tell you what I'm thinking! Scary thoughts!
I will let you know how it goes! Keep your fingers crossed for me.
~Lori
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