I found another book......Pretty is What Changes.
It's kind of funny that I happened to pick this one up. I went to look in the biography section of the library and just happened to see this this one. I noticed it because it was pink.....so I picked it up and wanted to see what it was about. Here is a quick over view for you. It's about a lady who's mother had Breast cancer and then ended up having Ovarian cancer and now she found out she tested positive for BRCA. I'm almost done with it. It has been very interesting and very informative. Maybe at times a little too much information, but I guess you can never have enough information.
But in this book when she is talking about her Mom and it's time for her to pass on...the nurse is telling her and her sister that she will not go with them in the room. I'm brought back to when it was my Mom's time. She wouldn't go with us in the room. She wouldn't let us see her take her last breath.....she waited until we were out of the room and my Dad was relaxing and then she went. She didn't want us to see her go. That's what Mothers do. I understood it all then. Not that it made me feel any better, but I know that's what she did that day. That was her last thing that she could do for us and that was what she was going to do and she fought all day to do it.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
She gets it~
I'm sure you all know that I went back to work in November. I started working with someone new. I was a little worried because I was going to be with a different person. You know what it's like when you have to work with someone different.....you just don't know what to expect. What they will expect from you. I just want to do a good job and to be liked. I have always been that way. I'm a person who likes to please. I want to please everyone and I sometimes feel like I don't do a good enough job.
Well, she is very nice and I like her a lot...I hope that she like me and that she thinks that I'm doing an okay job, that I fit in. I know when you take have to take someones spot that you have been working with it's hard.
The thing about Jenny is that she understands what I'm going through. She has been through this...she gets it! Her Dad passed away and she was very close to him and he had cancer also and did the whole hospice thing. So, she understands. She is someone here that I can talk to about it. Not that we have a lot of time to talk while we are working...but it's just nice to know that she is there if I need to talk. She has experienced the same pain as I have.
A week ago, the lady in charge of Moms Day Out lost her Dad also. As I was telling her how sorry I was, she says to me......I now understand what you went through and it's not fun, not fun at all. All I could say is.....I know. I couldn't tell her that it gets better, because for me it's just not better yet.
Well, she is very nice and I like her a lot...I hope that she like me and that she thinks that I'm doing an okay job, that I fit in. I know when you take have to take someones spot that you have been working with it's hard.
The thing about Jenny is that she understands what I'm going through. She has been through this...she gets it! Her Dad passed away and she was very close to him and he had cancer also and did the whole hospice thing. So, she understands. She is someone here that I can talk to about it. Not that we have a lot of time to talk while we are working...but it's just nice to know that she is there if I need to talk. She has experienced the same pain as I have.
A week ago, the lady in charge of Moms Day Out lost her Dad also. As I was telling her how sorry I was, she says to me......I now understand what you went through and it's not fun, not fun at all. All I could say is.....I know. I couldn't tell her that it gets better, because for me it's just not better yet.
Yearly appointment~
Today was my yearly appointment with my Dr. It went pretty good....compared to last years. I think I spent most of last year at this or that doctor. So, as of today I only have a few things to do. At first I really didn't think I liked my doctor, but the more I seen her the more I liked her. She is very caring to my situation and she really understands what I'm going through.
Here is a few things that I will be doing in the next few months...if you are at all interested.
First of all I will try and get into the UK testing for Ovarian Cancer. I guess that since we now have cancer in the family she wants me to try and get some free testing done. She is pretty sure that I will be able to get in and also be able to get the BRCA analysis test done for free. Which is good since our insurance most likely will not pay for it. The doctor was really nice about it, but the receptionist wasn't!! Why do they always have to be like that? It's not like it's going to be their problem! All she did was have to make a simple phone call. She looked at me and said, "You are not 50....you won't get in!" Well, The doctor said for you to call! So there!! It would be nice if they had this kind of thing in Washington or Oregon....well maybe they do!
I also have to go in and get a mole looked at that is on my back. Hopefully it is nothing. she just said that it looked funny and she wanted me to get it looked at.
Other then that everything looked okay. I do go in on the 14th of this month for my six month mammogram and ultrasound. I'll let you know how that goes.
Sorry it's such a boring post!
Here is a few things that I will be doing in the next few months...if you are at all interested.
First of all I will try and get into the UK testing for Ovarian Cancer. I guess that since we now have cancer in the family she wants me to try and get some free testing done. She is pretty sure that I will be able to get in and also be able to get the BRCA analysis test done for free. Which is good since our insurance most likely will not pay for it. The doctor was really nice about it, but the receptionist wasn't!! Why do they always have to be like that? It's not like it's going to be their problem! All she did was have to make a simple phone call. She looked at me and said, "You are not 50....you won't get in!" Well, The doctor said for you to call! So there!! It would be nice if they had this kind of thing in Washington or Oregon....well maybe they do!
I also have to go in and get a mole looked at that is on my back. Hopefully it is nothing. she just said that it looked funny and she wanted me to get it looked at.
Other then that everything looked okay. I do go in on the 14th of this month for my six month mammogram and ultrasound. I'll let you know how that goes.
Sorry it's such a boring post!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Memories in a Box~
Okay, okay.....I'm so late at posting!! I mean really late...like days late. What is my excuse? Hmmm......well to be completely honest with you....I just didn't have it in me last week and then I thought I would just wait until after Devin's birthday and then do a post on that. Now I just need to upload my photos and I can do that post. I know I'm so not doing good on my blogging these last few weeks. But I'm thinking about it. I have two things in my brain that I could write about, but today I only have time enough to write about one of them. I have to go and pick up the kids in an hour....so I'm sure I will only be able to post one of them. Then when they get home everything just goes CRAZY around here!
So, after all that are you ready? Hmm....I didn't hear you! LOL.....just a little humor on a very stormy Monday! Okay here goes................
The other day I was looking for my high school diploma and as I was looking for it, I was coming across things that I really wasn't ready to come across. As I was looking for it I would have to stop and look at all the other stuff that I was finding. Places that I really needed to stay away from. I was crying and looking and not finding my diploma!!! UGH!!! Not a fun day!
So, I finally go into a box that I know for sure it's not in. Devin's box. It has all of his childhood memories inside. As I'm looking inside this box I lift up the blankets and guess what? Yes.....there is my diploma!!! Why on earth would I put it in Devin's box? What was I thinking? Anyways...... I'm so happy that I found it...but then as I dig deeper in the box I see things......I see all these memories. All of them are memories of my Mom. Like the little glass figures that she gave him every year for his birthday. Well, for boys they only went to age 5. So, yes the tears come down......his birthday was the next day. She should be here for this day. I see the little boy rabbit that she gave him....she would always put that out at Easter. It's those little things that bring on all these memories. I see his little hippo that he had and I see him at Grandma's house with my Mom.....all these memories come out as I'm looking in the box. I finally had to stop...I couldn't make it through the box. I know there are more memories of her in that box....some of them I will have to tell him about.
I'm just so glad that Devin will have all these memories of his Grandma....she loved him so much~
So, after all that are you ready? Hmm....I didn't hear you! LOL.....just a little humor on a very stormy Monday! Okay here goes................
The other day I was looking for my high school diploma and as I was looking for it, I was coming across things that I really wasn't ready to come across. As I was looking for it I would have to stop and look at all the other stuff that I was finding. Places that I really needed to stay away from. I was crying and looking and not finding my diploma!!! UGH!!! Not a fun day!
So, I finally go into a box that I know for sure it's not in. Devin's box. It has all of his childhood memories inside. As I'm looking inside this box I lift up the blankets and guess what? Yes.....there is my diploma!!! Why on earth would I put it in Devin's box? What was I thinking? Anyways...... I'm so happy that I found it...but then as I dig deeper in the box I see things......I see all these memories. All of them are memories of my Mom. Like the little glass figures that she gave him every year for his birthday. Well, for boys they only went to age 5. So, yes the tears come down......his birthday was the next day. She should be here for this day. I see the little boy rabbit that she gave him....she would always put that out at Easter. It's those little things that bring on all these memories. I see his little hippo that he had and I see him at Grandma's house with my Mom.....all these memories come out as I'm looking in the box. I finally had to stop...I couldn't make it through the box. I know there are more memories of her in that box....some of them I will have to tell him about.
I'm just so glad that Devin will have all these memories of his Grandma....she loved him so much~
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Time Machine~
Boy am I late at posting today....but I guess better late then never. I didn't want to not post. I missed a few a few weeks ago and I didn't want to do that again. I felt really bad about it.
I know you are thinking that's a funny tital for today...but actully Ty is the one that made me think of this post. Don't all boys think of Time Machines?
We were in the car one morning getting ready to go to school and Ty says to me...."Don't you wish you could have a Time Machine?" At first I just kind of don't really think about it, but after a few minutes I think to myself......yes...I do wish I had a time machine! As the kids gets out of the car and walk to school....I start thinking more and more about this whole Time Machine.
I go home to a quiet house and thats when I can start thinking! I can start planning on when I would use my time machine. I think would I use it to go home sooner? No.....I would use it so that we could find out sooner that my Mom had breast cancer...yes, that's it. That's when I would use my time machine! We could save her life with this time machine! We could save other lives! People that mean so much to us....we could save them all!!!
But then reality hits!!! We don't have a time machine and I don't think we ever will! I guess that's what you get when you start thinking like a 10 year old!
I know you are thinking that's a funny tital for today...but actully Ty is the one that made me think of this post. Don't all boys think of Time Machines?
We were in the car one morning getting ready to go to school and Ty says to me...."Don't you wish you could have a Time Machine?" At first I just kind of don't really think about it, but after a few minutes I think to myself......yes...I do wish I had a time machine! As the kids gets out of the car and walk to school....I start thinking more and more about this whole Time Machine.
I go home to a quiet house and thats when I can start thinking! I can start planning on when I would use my time machine. I think would I use it to go home sooner? No.....I would use it so that we could find out sooner that my Mom had breast cancer...yes, that's it. That's when I would use my time machine! We could save her life with this time machine! We could save other lives! People that mean so much to us....we could save them all!!!
But then reality hits!!! We don't have a time machine and I don't think we ever will! I guess that's what you get when you start thinking like a 10 year old!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Too Many Good byes~
Over the years I had to say many good byes to my Mom.
I remember the first BIG good bye. We had made the move to Arkansas and it was just going to be me and the family...no one else! I had told everyone else good bye already and then came the big one, telling my Mom good bye! That was hard...she was always there for me and now she was going to be over 2,000 miles away. She couldn't just run over if I needed her.
Then came the good byes every time we came home for a visit. It seemed like I always saved her for my last good bye. She was always the hardest person to say it to. I couldn't hardly get it out. I always had the big lump in my throat and I knew that if I tried to talk I would start to cry! It was always really quick...for both of us.
Then when Mom was in the hospital and we were leaving for the night...those were hard also. It was hard to leave her there. It was hard to walk out of her room and not know what we were going to see the next day or how she was going to be feeling.
Telling her good bye on her final day with us was very hard. I know I have talked to you about this day and I will never forget it. I can recall every moment of it like it was yesterday. Walking out of her room after she passed away felt like I was missing something....like a part of me went with her.
But that wasn't the last good bye.......I still had to see her one more time, well I should say, I still got to see her one more time. That wasn't easy. Saying good bye to my Mom....the last time I got to see her face. As hard as it was, I didn't want to leave...I couldn't leave! I wanted to stay as long as I could. It was so hard walking out that door...knowing that it was my last good bye.
I remember the first BIG good bye. We had made the move to Arkansas and it was just going to be me and the family...no one else! I had told everyone else good bye already and then came the big one, telling my Mom good bye! That was hard...she was always there for me and now she was going to be over 2,000 miles away. She couldn't just run over if I needed her.
Then came the good byes every time we came home for a visit. It seemed like I always saved her for my last good bye. She was always the hardest person to say it to. I couldn't hardly get it out. I always had the big lump in my throat and I knew that if I tried to talk I would start to cry! It was always really quick...for both of us.
Then when Mom was in the hospital and we were leaving for the night...those were hard also. It was hard to leave her there. It was hard to walk out of her room and not know what we were going to see the next day or how she was going to be feeling.
Telling her good bye on her final day with us was very hard. I know I have talked to you about this day and I will never forget it. I can recall every moment of it like it was yesterday. Walking out of her room after she passed away felt like I was missing something....like a part of me went with her.
But that wasn't the last good bye.......I still had to see her one more time, well I should say, I still got to see her one more time. That wasn't easy. Saying good bye to my Mom....the last time I got to see her face. As hard as it was, I didn't want to leave...I couldn't leave! I wanted to stay as long as I could. It was so hard walking out that door...knowing that it was my last good bye.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
A short post~
Well.......I missed two weeks!! Sorry!
The other day at work I was sitting listing to a story that a lady was telling us ......she is a Grandma. She was telling us that her daughter and grandchildren had spent the night and her granddaughter had got sick during the night and then how the next day she went over and stayed the night with her daughter and helped her with her kids because they all were sick. As she was telling me this story all I could think about is my Mom and how that is what she would do and how I don't have that. All I kept thinking is that I want that!! I havent' had that for a long time...I wasn't able to have my Mom come over when the kids were sick, but I was able to call her and talk to her about it. She made me feel better by just hearing her voice.
Just a short little post today....thinking about my Mom today.
The other day at work I was sitting listing to a story that a lady was telling us ......she is a Grandma. She was telling us that her daughter and grandchildren had spent the night and her granddaughter had got sick during the night and then how the next day she went over and stayed the night with her daughter and helped her with her kids because they all were sick. As she was telling me this story all I could think about is my Mom and how that is what she would do and how I don't have that. All I kept thinking is that I want that!! I havent' had that for a long time...I wasn't able to have my Mom come over when the kids were sick, but I was able to call her and talk to her about it. She made me feel better by just hearing her voice.
Just a short little post today....thinking about my Mom today.
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