Summer Plans?

I'm sitting here and my mind is all jumbled up...is jumbled a word?  Well, that's how my mind is feeling right now.  I have so much to say, but I can't seem to put it into words.  Somedays it just flows and other days I can't seem to get it out. 

One of the things that is on my mind right now is summer.  We have been talking about summer and if we will be going home for a few weeks this summer.  Emmie has been asking to come home....well, no she has been begging to go home this summer for her birthday.  She wants to go to Washington so bad.  That's all she has been talking about for months!  She has been asking Tim about it and he has told her that we will TRY and get home. It has been over a year since her and Ty have been home.  Devin was home last summer and he had lots of fun being home without the rest of us.  He got spoiled and pretty much got to do whatever he wanted.  What kid wouldn't want that?  I would love that!  But this year we are all going to try and get home as a family.

But for me it's not as easy as one might think.  It's not as easy to walk in that door and not see her smiling and waiting to see her grand kids.  For me I will have to face it!  Face the fact that she isn't there.  I mean I know she isn't here...but I will have to kind of relive it all.  I left it all and haven't been back since.  I will see her gravestone for the very first time.  That for me won't be easy. Giving her flowers and knowing that I won't be able to do it again for another year or two. 

So, thinking about summer is hard for me.  I want to come home and be with everyone and see everyone.  But then I will have to leave...... I will have to say goodbye........  Goodbye to her yet again.