Okay if you were here you would have seen me just take a big deep breath.......this post for me isn't an easy one or this day. It reminds me of my Mom. But I guess everything reminds me of my Mom.
This day last year is etched in my brain. I can still see my Mom sitting at her, oh gosh I can't think of the name of the thing that sits in the middle of her kitchen!!! Well, anyways you know what I'm talking about if you have been to her house! That is where she would always put on her make-up. Teresa was coming over and she was going to wax her eyebrows, she was very excited about that. She got it done and so did Barbara...then they started teasing me because I had never got it done, it was kind of fun to get teased again by her. So, I got it done, didn't hurt.
Mom also had wanted me to make pumpkin bars, I needed to make something and she wanted me to make those. I always make those here so she wanted me to make them. Of course I made them last night and all I could think about was her.
Everyone wanted to help out and bring dishes. If Mom had it her way she had told everyone that she was going to go to Thanksgiving dinner at whoever house it was at that year, but we knew she couldn't do it. So, everyone brought a dish. We had a ton of food! Grandma was able to come and spend it with her and I know that is what she wanted to do.
Mom stayed up through all the visitors and then by the time dinner was ready she as able to come sit out at the table. It's hard to see her in my mind sitting there trying to look like herself. We are all talking trying to make it look and feel normal when I know that for all of us it wasn't normal. We just wanted her to be better, we wanted her to be Mom! I know she would have wanted to be the one in the kitchen helping with the food set-up, not so much the clean up! I know that whole day must have been hard for her. It was hard for me! I would have changed spots with her if I could have!
Then came the time of the day that I can't get out of my mind.......I see it all the time. I see my Dad walking her to her room. Her not looking good at all. Was she just so tired from the busy day? I don't know! But that is a picture that stays with me.
I didn't get to celebrate many holidays with her and it's kind of bitter sweet that I was home for that one. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I just wish that we would have been home for all of them. She would say it to me every time I would talk to her on the phone on the holidays, I wish you all were here. It would be so nice to have you all home! That is what she wanted! She wanted us home...she wanted her grand kids home! I wanted to be home!
PS. I'm still bugged that I can't think of the name of the thing in her kitchen!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 comments:
It's an island!!!
Yep, it's an island! I hate that when I know a word and have said it a million times and for some reason when on the spot cannot think of it to save my life! Anyway good post. I can't believe it was a year ago. I am so glad you got to be here with her last Thanksgiving. I am sure it made her feel so happy that all her girls were with her. Especially since she hasn't been able to celebrate many hoidays in the last few years with you. I am sure it made her heart happy. There was nothing more she looked forward to than having you guys home with her. Where you guys belong. We missed you guys at Thanksgiving. It was wierd, but we did try to make it as good as we could. Nothing near what she would have done if she were here. She always did things so much better than any of us could have...and of course, we didn't have her gravy. Dad just made it from a can...but it was better than nothing. We definitely missed all you guys and wished you were with us.
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