Emotional Roller Coaster~

For the past eleven months I have been on this roller coaster, you could call it an emotional roller coaster if you will.  In the first place, I don't like roller coasters, they make me sick!  This one has kept me on it for a long time, never letting me off! 

This roller coaster pretty much started around this time last year.  I remember just sitting here waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for some type of news on my Mom.  Waiting to hear what we had to deal with, what we were going to do, what I was going to do.  I don't know how I made it through each day back then. 

Then the news finally came......Yes, it was cancer!  Now I had to come home.  I told Tim that day I need to go home NOW!  I'm sure he could hear it in my voice, I'm sure he could see it on my face.  I was scared!  My Mom needed me home, I needed to be with my Mom. 

I got to the hospital just in time to hear what the doctor had to say!  Not the news we wanted. I'm trying so hard not to cry, trying to be strong, that's what she was doing, I had to do it to.  I could cry later and I did.  I got up every day and went to the hospital and spent as much time with her as I could.  I loved every minute of it!  I didn't want to leave her, but I did and then got up and did it again the next day, just like so many other people did.  I stayed until after Thanksgiving.  But she wasn't well, she wasn't herself.  I still remember her walking to bed and needing help...it just hurt me so much to see her like that.  Now that is what I see when I think of Thanksgiving this year.  I can't get her out of my mind, not that I want to, but that is my last holiday with her.  That is also when she would usually come and visit us. 

Now leaving her was not easy.  We thought we had more time, but yet I still didn't want to go.  But I had the kids at home and I had to get them through Christmas and then we were all going to come back.  She was going to get to see them all.  She was so happy with the news.  But that's not how the story would go...............

This roller coaster just keeps me on it...it's a never ending ride.......maybe one day I will have more ups then downs!