Six weeks

Today I went in for my doctors appointment after going to the ER last month. I have to admit I was a little nervous about going. I'm always nervous when going to the doctor.

After talking with her about me we got on the subject of my Mom. I told her what happened and she seems to think that I should be doing better or handling things better. She said that usually after six weeks you should be doing better. I'm not really sure that I agree with her on that. I really didn't understand what she meant by it either. She was really pushing for me to go to a grief counselor and she also wanted to put me on some medication. I turned down the medication. I would much rather try and get through this without any. Isn't normal to be sad? Shouldn't I be feeling the way that I'm feeling? Wouldn't you think it was strange if I wasn't sad? I just don't understand how she can understand what I'm truly going through after only talking to me about it for five minutes.

You just can't get over the death of someone that was such an important part of your life in six weeks. I still can't believe that she is gone. I still have to tell myself almost daily that she is gone, that I will never hear her voice again or see her. I walk around the house talking to her, telling her how much I need her to be here. Not just for me, but for all the kids, my Dad, my sisters, my Aunt and the rest of the family. I don't think she knew how her leaving would really affect us all, not that she had a choice. We are all hurting so much and I just can't imagine going the rest of my life without her. I know that I have to......but it's hard to imagine her not here. I have always needed her and now I need her more then ever.

I think I'll need more then six weeks~