I have been told by a few people in these last few days that I should be better by now. That I shouldn't be feeling so bad about my Mom not being here. But I'm not really sure that those people have told me this have lost a parent or understand what I'm going through. I mean don't we all do it differently? We are all not built the same and we don't feel the same. So, it's hard for me to understand how someone can tell ME how I should or shouldn't be feeling. I don't think that I'm dealing with this in a negative way. I don't walk around crying all day long and not being able to do what I need to do to take care of my kids. Yes, my house might not be as clean as it was before. But is that the worst thing in the world?
I can tell you this....I'm not the same person that I was 5 months ago. Do I plan to be that person again? I hope so. I want to be happy again, smile again and just not think about all the what ifs.
I'm going to also check into going to see a one-on-one counselor. I kind of have been talked into it. I'll go and try and see if it helps me. I have went to one before....but I only did it one time. It was after Jason passed away. I think I have a hard time talking about things with people that I don't know. But I guess it can't hurt me to give it a try. It's also hard talking about my Mom because I end up getting all choked up and then can't talk without crying.
I'll be done grieving when I'm ready....not when you tell me I should be done!!!!
2 comments:
I feel like a stalker. I logged onto this at 6:30 this morning and kept checking every 15 minutes to see if you had written about your mom!
Lori, you are the only one walking in your shoes. You know what is right for you. Don't let people tell you how to feel or how you should handle the situation. I'm sure they mean well, but it is your life and your grief.
You are a wonderful mom, wife, daughter and friend. You got all of those traits from your mom. A piece of you is missing, and for the time being, you have every right to act and feel however you want to.
I can see why people are wanting you to have a "quick fix" to your mourning, because it is hard to watch people in pain. I have never seen my mom so sad and it kills me to know how much she hurts. I would do anything to make her happy again. But, I also know that she is dealing with Debbi's loss in her own way.
If only there was a magical pill you could take to make you feel better!
I tell myself every day that maybe tomorrow will be better. That maybe I will feel better tomorrow, but I don't. Kelly, I know that your Mom is going through so much right now and it's so hard for you to see her in so much pain. You are and have always been someone who wants to help out and make that person who is down feel better. That is a good trait in you. You are a wonderful friend and daughter. If you ever find a magic pill, let me know! I'll be the first one in line!!
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