First of all I'm sorry for not posting last week. My mind was on other things and I just couldn't do it. I did try, but it just wasn't coming out the way I wanted it to. Hopefully you will be able to forgive me....I think it's harder on me when I don't post, I feel bad. I feel like I'm doing an injustice to my Mom for not blogging about her.
Okay enough about that.....
Today I went to the library...I know I went again. You must think is that all I do. Well to be honest with you, I do read a lot and I do it to try and forget. Does it work? No, not really, but it does take the pain away for awhile. It makes me think I'm somewhere else, maybe in a perfect world where they don't have any problems. So, today after getting a few normal books, I go walking in a different section, I don't know why, just trying to see something different I guess. I'm in the biography section and I just happen to come across a book about a lady with breast cancer. I know you are thinking don't pick it up! Don't bring it home! I'm thinking the same thing! I of course take it off the shelf and take a good look at it and think to myself...do you really want to read it? I think to myself what can it hurt...I can always use a good cry. So, I go ahead and get it. I do have to tell you that I read it all today. It wasn't a big book, but it was good. It did make me think of my Mom, but the story wasn't the same. I mean the lady did have Breast cancer, but she found it early and was able to have it taken care of, not without a fight. The only thing that I wished for is that we would have found my Mom's early. How different our my world would be today!!
While reading I remembered a time in the hospital when she was feeling good. She wanted to go for a walk. I think that there was about five of us with her that night. We walked the halls for about 20 minutes or so and she loved it. She was using a walker, but she was up and walking, something she hadn't been able to do in a long time. I was so glad that I was able to be there and share that moment with her. We were all worried that she was going to wear herself out, but she didn't want to go back to her room. She wanted to see where everyone would wait to see her when she had a room full of people. She always had so many people waiting to see her. It was like you had to take a number to get in to see her. Some days I wish I could go back to those days when she was in the hospital. Those days when she was feeling so good. I remember one night when it was just Lanette, Leah, Lyndsey and me there. Everyone had left and she was just sitting in her bed and we were all just talking and she was flipping through her magazines and then she wanted us to clean up her room a bit. She didn't like it to be messy. It was kinda nice to have it just be us for a little bit. What I wouldn't do for another night like that. What I wouldn't do to walk those hospital halls again with her. What I wouldn't do to hear her voice just one more time.
3 comments:
I wanted to let you know the name of the book...it is called: The Victoria Secret Catalog never stops coming and other lessons I learned from Breast Cancer.
Lori,
I think I was there that night walking the halls. She seemed so happy during that walk and full of energy. I remember us showing her the waiting room and telling her how we took that waiting room over and no one else got a chance to sit there. I remember her scoping out the other rooms. I am glad you girls got some time to yourselves with your Mom. I always wanted to visit her at the hospital, but wanted to limit my time because I really thought about you guys and knowing you deserved the time with her more than any of us. But, if you wanted to see her you had to go for it because there would always be someone else there ready to jump in. Boy does that say a lot about your Mom!
That is so true Christine! She had a lot of people in line taking numbers, and it was kinda funny how we took over the waiting room. I wasn't there the night she was walking around but I am glad you guys were...I am sure she was glad to have you guys with her. I wish I could have been at the hospital more than I was, and that makes me sad to think about. But at least I know there were a lot of people there...and of course she was so happy to have you there Lori. So glad you were home.
I thought about going to the library today too Lori, but didn't get time. I am reading those other books right now anyway, so I figured I could wait until next week. I will have to look for both of those books...
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