Today is my birthday...........................My first one without my Mom. Isn't it crazy that is how I think of everything now? Everything is a first. Kind of like when you have kids. They have all these firsts...now I'm having all these firsts and these firsts aren't good ones. I knew that this day was coming and I knew that it wasn't going to be easy. I know it's still early and I have a long day ahead of me, a long day to think of her and to think of what it would be like if she was still here.
First of all it's a Monday and I would have already got the call from her.
My day today has already started with a heavy reminder of why she isn't here. I had to go in for my 6 month Mammogram this morning and also had the ultrasound done. Would I have had that done today if she would have been here?
The results where that I have a complex cyst, I also I have some other cysts that are normal. The lady doing the ultrasound today was very nice and explained everything to me. She told me that you can see through the other cysts, but you can't see through the complex ones. They are kind of mushy inside or bloody. I know kind of not great words, but that is what she said. I have to go back in for another mammogram and ultrasound only on my right breast in another 6 months and if it has grown any more they will want to stick a needle in it! YIKES!! I guess they like to keep an eye on those type of cysts and also because of the breast cancer in the family they are also keeping a closer eye on things. I guess that's a good thing.
These next few months are going to be hard. We are all going to be going through our firsts. All of my sisters with our birthday's all so close. And then the big one.....My Moms birthday!
1 comment:
It's so wierd to me too, how everything is different. This is your first birthday without her, and I KNOW she hated not being here for your birthday. Not being able to be the one to make that first call to you. I am sure she was wishing she could have a really long conversation with you today too....I am 100% sure. Not that it makes it any easier to get through this day, but if it helps at all, just know that she missed it as much as you did.
I am glad you are taking care of this stuff Lori. Mom would have been glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself too.
I know today was a tough one. The first ones are the hardest right? It's really hard to not think back to last year for me...and how she made my day special, and just knowing I won't have that this year. But now we have to figure out a way to deal with it, because that's what she would have done, and she would have wanted us to be ok...easier said than done.
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