Lets see where this post goes.....it's a little touchy and I have been thinking about it for some time and hopefully it will come out as good as I want it to.
I'm sure you all know that I think the Bravest woman is my Mom! I'm just not sure that I could ever do the things that she did. Not only was she tough during her sickness, but she was just a all around tough person all the time. I look up to her. I wish that I had half of what she had. I know that I will never be able to be like her, but I can sure try. She is my inspiration!
I think back to the time when we were in the hospital and we got the news that there wasn't much that we could do. She just took it all in stride and the doctor kept asking her if she understood her and what she was saying. She says yes, I understand. But they kept thinking that she was in denial about the whole thing, in fact we might have all thought the same thing. But come to find out later in a conversation, she did understand and she said that she wasn't going to do what they expected her to do. She wasn't going to cry in front of them or in front of us. She wasn't going to say why me! She was just going to take each day as it came. All she wanted to do after that was go home. She wanted to be in her house, with her things and with her family and not be told how many people she can have in her room. The bravery showed in her eyes every day when I would walk in her room at the hospital and she would want to get ready for the day, just like every other day. I'm not so sure I could do what she did. She made it all easier for us. Not that it was easy by any means, but she was trying to make it that way, I'm sure that was what she was trying to do. She didn't want us to see her sad...she didn't want to see us sad. I know that on a few occasions she must have seen the sadness in my eyes, because I was standing by her bedside on her final day and she asked for someone else. I of course was taken back at the time that she didn't want me there. But after talking to my Aunt Barbara, she said that it most likely hurt her to see me so sad and she just couldn't take it. I hope that is what it was.
I look back at those days as a blessing. I got to spend some wonderful days with her. They will always be cherished and thought about. Many people don't get those last days with loved ones. Life is just too short and we have to live each day to the fullest!
4 comments:
Lori,
I, too, am amazed at how brave your mom was. I think back to going to visit her, whether she was in the hospital, at home or even in hospice, and having that feeling of nervousness because I was never sure how to act. But, you'd walk into her room and she would smile at you, smile and be welcoming! And it made you feel so good. Even in the end, she cared about how we all were feeling.
And, don't kid yourself for a second by thinking that you are not EXACTLY like your mom!! You are brave and strong and you put everyone's feelings before your own. Just like her. :)
Lori, I always cry when I read your blog....it makes me sad, yet it give me a tiny bit of peace, knowing we are all going through this. She was so brave, and I hope to have a hint, just a glimmer of it. I am glad that you were here with her. She was so glad for you and Lanette and Leah to be there all the time. Mom was extraordinary. She wasn't like anyone I'll ever know. But of all the people I think are most like her, you come to mind.
Lori,
I too am so impressed at how strong and brave your Mom was during her sickness. I can't imagine how hard it must have been, and I was always in awe in how she handled herself and was able to smile and enjoy all the many visitors who were always there.
I agree with Kelly and Lyndsey, you are always thinking of others ahead of you and are a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for!
I thought of Debbi often during my visit to see you. She always called me before and after my visits in the past and said how much it meant to her that I had been to visit you guys. I know in my heart that she was thinking the same thing this trip and also when Missy came to see you guys.
I want to thank you all for saying that I have something of my Mom in me! That gives me hope that I will someday have more of her in me! Thanks! :)
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