Could it really be six months since I have talked to my Mom?
Could it really be six months since I last saw my Mom?
Could it really be six months since I said goodbye to my Mom?
The answer is yes and I can hardly believe it. In those six months my world has been turned upside down. I still have a hard time understanding that she is really gone, my Mom isn't here anymore. I can't pick up the phone to call her, I won't be seeing her when I come home to visit anymore! How is that possible? She was here this time last year! Why can't she be here now?
You would think that after six months I would be doing a little bit better, but no I'm not. I might pretend to be doing better or maybe I just put those bad thoughts way down deep and try not to think about them. But they don't stay down for very long. They seem to come up when I least expect them.
The other day while getting Ty's picture taken for his Young Achievers, as I was sitting there watching him, all I could think about was my Mom and how much I wanted to tell her about all of this. Well, you can only guess what happened after that.......the big lump and then the tears. I had to pull myself together really fast. That just wasn't the right time for me to break down. The little things in life that remind me of her bring me to tears and they also make me smile. I bought a hanging basket the other day and I only wanted the kind that she always would get. I want to look out my window and think of her.
What I wouldn't do for one more memory......one more day~
1 comment:
I must have missed this post...you had 3 new ones, and I had been checking it a lot waiting for another one! 6 months is strange. It really hit home for me too...just knowing that Carter was exactly 2 1/2 when his Grandma left this world. I don't know why, but it was so weird for me. I know I push those things down, and don't want to deal with the huge hole in our lives either. I know just writing my blog and reading yours helps me a lot. There's no schedule for grief Lori, you of all people know that. You do things on your own time...that's all you can do. She would have been so proud of Ty. He deserves his Grandma's special something that she'd do for him. I know if she were here, she'd send a card, just telling him how proud she was! You are right though...those moments. I was taking a picture of Colby with his pre-school teacher, and I just felt her there right at that moment, and almost lost it. She's there with you and I know you know that. I think she's especially there when we have those moments. I just wish we could see her and talk to her...
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