You just never think that your life can change in a blink of an eye, but sometimes it does. My life changed on December 12, 2009. My Mom (best friend) passed away from breast cancer. It happend so fast that as I sit here today writing this I still can't believe that she is gone. I might have to go back and explain how it all happened. I'll give you the short story. She started not feeling well in October, well that is when she told us she wasn't feeling well and if you knew my Mom then you knew that she really wasn't feeling well if she told you that and if she wasn't doing anything that wasn't like her. She was a go getter, she didn't like to sit around, she was always busy doing something. So, anyways she finally went to the doctor and after a week of no news and not really feeling good at all, she finally went to the hospital. After a few days we got the news.....it was cancer! It was in her breast and also her liver. I was here in Kentucky trying to deal with it all and not doing well with all the news. My kids were kind of getting used to me crying. I finally told Tim that I HAD to go home and see her. Got on the plane two days later and flew in to hear the doctor tell us the news. It wasn't good, she had stage 4 and there really wasn't much that they could do for her without hurting her. Mom took the news really well. She took everything well, she was so nice to everyone. The nurses loved her! She never complained about anything, we were the ones complaining. She did get to go home and I got to spend the next week taking care of her during the night. I wanted to do what I could before I had to leave. I felt so good about being there for those days. The best thing is that the night before I left she said to me "I just don't know what I'm going to do without you, you have been such a great help". I'll never forget that. The doctor had given us a 3 month window for her and we were planing on coming home for Christmas, but not five days later I would be back on a plane. That was the worst plane ride ever! I didn't know if she was going to be there when I got there or not.
Devin and I arrived on a Tuesday night and she was very happy to see us. She was very quiet and just wasn't herself. She wasn't talking much and just wanted to sleep a lot. It was very hard to see her like that. But all I wanted to do was be with her. Those next few days went very fast. We would get up early in the morning and go up to the Hospice house and stay until around dinner time. By then she was ready for us to leave. She needed to sleep, she had company all day long. It was so hard to leave her.
The nurse told us on Friday that she was in the last stage and she didn't know how much longer it was going to be. Lyndsey and I got up early that Saturday morning and went to the hospice house. That was the saddest day of my life! The day I had to say goodbye to my Mom. We all got to say goodbye to her, I know I didn't say everything I wanted to tell her. How could you say goodbye in five minutes......I wanted her to say goodbye to me. I wanted her to tell me that she loved me. I wanted her to stay! That's what I really wanted. I needed her to stay!!!
As of yesterday she has been gone a month. I can't believe it. I still expect the phone to ring and hear her voice, but it doesn't. The thing about it is that the phone doesn't ring anymore. She used to call me and now the phone just sits and doesn't ring during the day. I sit and I wait....but no ring! What am I going to do without her? I think about the future and Devin, Ty and Emmie. They won't have her around for all those special moments. I'm sure she would have come out here for Devin's high school graduation in a few years, she would have been so proud of him. What about Ty, she said she wanted to come out this year and watch him play baseball, now she won't be able to do that. And then there's Emmie....she loved her so much and looked forward to spending time with her and I think about her and it just makes me so sad.
It's Just a LIfe Changing Moment~
2 comments:
Lori that was so nice...I did cry of course, but how could I not? She was the best, and I have no idea what we will do without her. But at least we all have eachother. You guys were so close and I know life will never be the same without her for you and your entire family. Your kids will never get to talk to her on the phone and hear how proud she really was of all of them. Thanks for sharing your side, I know it's hard, but it helps just a little.
Lori,
Losing your Mom to Cancer, like I lost my Mom over 12 years ago, is not something I ever would want to have in common with you.
It is so difficult to go through and as I write this and think back 12 years ago I don't know how I did it. I was only 23 years old. Wow! I am so glad to see you writing about everything. Getting it out will help some.
Your Mom loved you so much, I was just remembering how both times I came to visit you she called me before and after to tell me how much it meant to her that I was visiting. I remember think how nice it was for her to call. When I come to visit you later this year, I know she will be happy.
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