Changes~

 In June I watched my son Devin walk across the stage and receive his high school diploma. It was an emotional night for me and many others.  It was a long year of not knowing if it was going to happen with our move to Washington.  But in the end it happened and I couldn't have been more thrilled and happy for him.  He deserved this and had worked very hard to make it all happen. 

 But as I sit here today I think back on that moment. It brings tears to my eyes. So, many things have changed since then.  Devin has decided that he wants to stay in Vancouver.  I know he is 19 and able to make choices on his own.....but when he told me what he had decided it was like a bomb went off.  My whole world has been turned upside down.  If I would have been more prepared for it I might have been able to handle this better...but as it is...I'm having a really hard time with this and I'm really not sure that anyone can really understand it but me.  It's like he was just taken away. No warning at all.  We were expecting for him to be here with us in a few weeks and now our life has changed. From big things all the way down to the little things. I go to set the table grabbing 5 plates and then remember that from now on it will only be 4 plates.  I sit at the table for dinner and I remember when it was all of us and now its just us 4.  It just feels wrong and different.  I walk by the room that we fixed up for him and I can't look inside....it just hurts too much.  

Devin and Ty

Emmie and Devin

 I think about all the things that I won't have with him.  In all the years I have never...not once been apart on his birthday.  Do you know what that does to a Mom?  All those little things that no one is thinking about, but I'm.