Another Sad Day~

Yesterday Jenny Feller passed away~

Yes, another sad day. We knew it was coming, but are we ever ready for it? I don't think you can ever prepare yourself for losing someone important in your life! She was a wonderful Grandma to Devin and Seth. The best Mom that Jodi and Jason could ever ask for. I know the pain that Jodi must be going through right now, and I can't do anything to help her. I hate that I'm so far away and I can't help. I feel so helpless! I'm just so thankful that Devin is home and was able to see Jenny. That makes me feel a little bit better, not much, but a little. My heart goes out to Devin, Seth, Jodi, Tony and the rest of the family. Yes, I do feel like I was still part of the family. Jodi always made me feel that way. She always called and kept me up to date on everything and I know that it wasn't easy.

I have many great memories of Jenny and I will treasure them and fondly tell Devin about them. She was a great Mother-in-law. She would always try and see me when I was in town even if Devin wasn't with me. I know that Devin moving away was very hard on her and I felt very bad that she couldn't see Devin as often as she would have liked.

Yesterday after hearing the news and after getting over the shock of it all.....I did smile, I thought she is with Jim and Jason. I know that she is happy to be with them. She loved them so much and them leaving her at such an early age was so very hard on her.


We now have one more Angel in heaven looking out for us~

Thanks Jenny for all the wonderful memories and most of all thank you for letting me in your family. I truly felt blessed to have been loved by your son and that I have a piece of Jason and you.....Devin! He is truly a blessing and I hope that one day he can fill those big shoes that his Dad left. You will never be forgotten!

Our visit with Steve and Bettie~

We had a great time when Steve and Bettie came out for a visit a few weeks ago! They kids just loved having their grandparents here for a few days! Tim and I love having company!

Steve and Bettie and the kids~

Love this picture of Steve and Bettie and the kids!



Tim and Steve with the kids when we went out to dinner at our favorite German restaurant! I LOVE the German noodles! They are so good! I can just eat them! Give me a plate of them and I'm happy!




Emmie with Grandma Bettie! How cute is that!

The family!

We had lots of fun while they were here! The only downside to the trip was that the weather was so warm! It was in the high 90's the whole time they were here! So, we really couldn't enjoy the outside as much as we wanted. The next week after they left.....the weather was great! Down in the 80's with a breeze! :( What can you do! At least it wasn't raining while they were here!

On Edge~

Well, here I'm again! Did you miss me? I'm sure you did! LOL, only kidding. I'm not even sure anyone has been reading this blog, but that's okay, I understand you all have a life! You have things to do, you can't just sit around waiting for me to post this silly old blog!

Today has been a day. My stomach has been turning all day long. My mind has been going a mile a minute. I'm just remember this time last year and reliving it. You see it was Emmie's birthday and we were home celebrating with our family. We didn't have a big party, because I just felt kind of weird about having a big party when we were home and never being able to go to other parties....like we were just coming home for a present and I didn't want people to think that's all we wanted. So, it was pretty much just family and that was just fine with me. We never get that around here, to us that was a GREAT party! I wish that my kids got that every year, but they just have to settle with a small family dinner and cake.

The day started out with a lunch out to Chinese food, Emmie's favorite! My Mom didn't go, she was getting things ready for the big game that was coming up that weekend. She was also getting Emmie's cupcakes ready. She had been talking about these cupcakes that she wanted to make for her before we came home. They turned out really cute.

They were a beach theme! They not only looked cute, but they also tasted really good! I got her a cake also, but everyone wanted the cupcakes! Everyone loved them! We went out to pizza that night and it was just so nice and relaxing. Emmie had fun and got to open her presents with all of our families. I wish that I could go back to that day. I didn't take any pictures of Emmie with any of her Grandparents! What was I thinking? I guess I wasn't thinking! Just Emmie alone. Not even one with Tim or I! I should have taken one with my Mom and Emmie with the cupcakes!!! UGH!!! It just makes me want to cry!

I think that for me Emmie's birthday is harder because we are usually home for it and celebrating it with my Mom and our families. To tell you the truth this just sucks!

Tomorrow my girl will be turning 6 and I'll be celebrating her birthday without you Mom and it's just not the same!

Ty and Emmie swimming lessons~

Well swimming lessons are over! They both did pretty good. Ty is swimming like a fish and Emmie still needs some work. This girl of mine has no FEAR, let me tell you! Unlike her mother who sits on the sidelines watching her and telling her to stay on the wall! Just you wait and see what she did on her final day! I'll show you.....

Here are some pictures.

This is what Emmie decided to jump off of on her last day! No, the girl can't swim! She has been going off the little diving board as you can see, she went off that on her second day. She went right up and just ran right off! She went so fast that I couldn't even get a picture of her! I was so busy watching her that I couldn't get the picture! I thought maybe she would stand there a minute so I could take the picture, but nope, she just hoped up and ran off! Yes, someone was waiting for her, I would never of let her do it! Ty was so surprised that she did it. He has done it one time and he will not repeat it! He landed on his belly and got the air knocked out of him. He just gave her a high five and smiled! WOW!! What a girl! I guess we have got to keep our eyes locked on her from now on!

Cornhole~

I'm not sure if any of you know what Corn hole is, but here in Kentucky it's a must! People play it all the time. It's an outside game kind of like horse shoes but played with bags of corn. A few weeks ago Tim made some sets. We went ahead and bought the corn hole bags. You can get them in any type of fabric you want, most people around here would choose the UK colors, but not us. Shh, don't tell anyone, but we really aren't UK fans! I mean around here if it's game day and you don't have a UK shirt on you get looked at kind of funny! Every where you go it's UK everywhere, even at the doctors office!

Anyways on to the corn hole......

Tim and Devin are loving it! They play it all the time. Ty, Emmie and I play it sometimes, but we aren't as good as Tim and Devin, so it's usually just the two of them playing. It's actually nice to see them have something in common. When Tim's parents came to visit we played it also, but the weather was so warm, it just made it really hard to enjoy it as much as we all would have liked.

Here is what the set looks like. Tim even made a drink holder and score board for it. I do have to say it is fun, but I need to practice a little more.

Dreams~

Okay, okay.....I'm really slacking on this! But I do have reasons! Everyone is home and it's really hard to do anything! Someone is either on the computer or I have to do something for someone...I know you are thinking must be the kids, but nope, it's the husband that needs me the most! Always needing this or that when he is home. I sure do miss those nice days when it was just me home all by myself! But those days are long gone.

Anyways..........

Lets talk about dreams. After my Mom passed away all I wanted to do was dream about her and it never happened. I remember going to bed every night and thinking to myself ...please, please let me dream of her tonight. But no, no dream! It never came. I would wake up and be so depressed about it. I just thought if I couldn't see her during the day then just maybe I could see her in my dreams. After about two months of this I finally stopped asking. Then about two weeks ago I finally got my wish! I dreamed about her!! But the dream wasn't all that I wanted it to be. I guess you could say that I got one good thing out of it and then one thing that was still the same. I mean I finally got the dream, but in the dream she was still sick. We went to see her in a hospital type setting and we thought she was sleeping, but she was awake. I guess kind of like when we were at Hospice on her final day when I whispered something and she heard it. She heard me! Anyways....on to the dream. In the dream she was a little bit grumpy...not at all like she was. The dream really didn't make sense to me, but it was her and I got to see her. I guess that's all that I wanted. I would like to have more dreams about her. I'm hoping that I will get them someday.

Going home~

I know......I'm very late at posting today! We went to a Reds game today, so I'm just now getting it done, but better late then never!

Last year at this time we would have been getting ready for our yearly trip home and my Mom would have been getting the house all ready for us. She loved having us home for a few weeks during the summer, well at least I think she did. Actually I know she did. This year it's a little bit different. We won't be traveling home, well Devin will be going home, but the rest of us will be staying home this year and to tell you the truth, I'm okay with that. I bet you are wondering why. I'm usually all set to go home and see everyone, but I'm scared. I'm scared to go home and have to face that fact that she isn't there. My Mom isn't in her house, she won't be there to see us come home, she won't be there to watch my kids playing in her yard. I can't sit out on her back porch and talk to her, it just isn't going to happen. She won't be able to celebrate Emmie's birthday. The last time I was home I had to say goodbye to her and it's been almost 7 months and I just don't know that I can deal with not seeing her in her house or sitting out side enjoying the kids. We would spend most nights outside watching all the kids playing and to not have her there just isn't right. It just doesn't seem fair.

The majority of my time home was spent with her and now I don't have her....what do I do without her? I know I have so many others and I want to see them also, it's just I need her! I need to feel like I belong. I don't feel like I have a place right now. Where do I belong? It's just that I feel kind of lost right now and I'm not really sure when I will feel like myself again. Will I ever feel like myself again? I just know that I have a big hole in my life and I just don't know how to fill it. She was such a big part of my life and in so many other peoples life. I just never in a million years thought I would be going through this at this point in my life.

Last year at this time we were all enjoying our time with each other without a thought in the world that one of us would not be here next year at this time.